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i had this table earlier this year that was pretty memorable.  it was a weekend night at molly’s when we’d been running some promotion.  i was waiting in the bar and the place had been packed all night.  tickets flying everywhere, long waits, big apologies, lots of kissing ass and chaos–all that shit.  it was pretty fun.  when things were winding down, i dropped a check at one of my few remaining tables and went about my sidework so i could get out of there.

this particular table had been having a nice time, drinking and being a little loud and loopy.  nothing extravagant or obnoxious, and nothing i really remember, but they’d struck me as a bunch of fucking goofballs.  four people: two dudes and two ladies.  they wanted the check split two ways and made some pretty confused faces when i asked for help remembering what everyone’d had.  whatever. i figured it out and they were nice about it.  they paid no attention at all when i ran their cards and brought the slips back for them.

anyway, they hung around for a while longer, laughing and winding down, and before i’d finished my closing duties, they waved at me and were on their way.  “thanks, you guys!”  i walked over to grab their visa slips, and neither of the slips had a mark on it!  no tip, no signature–nothing. and BOTH credit cards were still in the check presenter with the slips!  “dumbasses.”  i dashed outside with the check presenter, hoping i could catch these people before they drove off.

two of the four were gone, the ladies, but the two dudes were getting ready to leave.  one was in his car and the other was standing nearby and talking to him.  picture a long, vertical rectangle for a parking lot.  dudes were at the top; molly’s and the exit were at the bottom.  i called to them, smiling and waving, and they didn’t notice me.  dude in his car was off to the left, and the other dude, who now said goodye to his friend, went to get in his truck, which was off to the right.  as i got to them, dude in his car noticed me and asked if anything was wrong.  i explained that they’d left their cards behind.  “TRAV!  TRAV!”  dude called to his friend.  trav had just fired the truck up to take off, but when he heard dude call his name, he jumped out.  “hey,” i say.  “you guys ran off without your cards.  if you’ll sign these slips, too, i’ll leave you alo–WHOA!”

where trav had parked his truck, the ground was higher than the rest of this rectangle.  his ENORMOUS fucking pickup, still running, was suddenly rolling back at him (and me) as he was walking toward me.  our trav had forgotten to set his e-brake.  i jumped out of the way, but trav was SO FUCKING SLOW to react that this slow-ass-rolling truck just plowed into him.  “FUCK!”  i can still see trav looking like he’d been just blindsided by the truck he might as well have watched in slow motion.  the truck pinned him against the other dude’s car and trav gritted his teeth and tried to push the truck off.  no way.  the other dude was trapped in his car by trav and the huge pickup.  i tried to help trav push, but it was no use.  “DRIVE IT UP!” trav yelled at me with strained breath.  “DRIVE IT UP!”  i ran to the driver’s side of the truck to help, but the SHIT WAS LOCKED.  trav had not only got out without setting the fucking e-brake, but he’d locked the door behind himself!  wtf!  i had to run to the other side to jump in, scoot over to the driver’s seat and reach my stubby little legs as far as i could to the pedals.  trav didn’t seem tall, but i had to practically get under the seat to reach the pedals and drive that fatass truck up off his poor ribs.

when i picked the check presenter off the ground and passed it to these guys to sign, trav was like ‘you must think i’m a total idiot, huh?’  it’d all been so amusing, and only trav had paid the price for being such a retard.  i just laughed.  “don’t even worry about it.  thanks again, you guys!”  they tipped alright, actually. especially trav.  i was surprised.

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One Comment

  1. This is in the running for the best Molly’s story I’ve heard from you, dude. As much as I’d prefer you drawing comics full time and getting paid, I also kinda hope you never leave that place.


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