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i was wondering today what the last comic was that really blew me away.  sometimes i get to thinking that i’m just an impossible snob when it comes to comics, and it kinda gets me down.  i’m not about to pretend i like shit that does nothing for me, but it’s an ongoing source of confusion for me whether i’m a just an ass when it comes to comics or whether there just isn’t enough material out there that’s excellent.  this is probably an unanswerable question, but i’ve realized that there’s a reason for this confusion.

every time i’m sitting down to draw, it’s to satisfy the part of me that wants to see a certain kind of comic.  this isn’t at all to say that everything i do (or even that much of it) actually gets me that satisfaction, but i’m always trying.  and when i’m looking at comics, i’m always holding up other people’s work to this totally theoretical perfect comic i’m trying to achieve.  it’s a compleltely unrealistic yardstick.  but it’s not just about the art.  lazy comics artists irritate the hell out of me, but even some who don’t have a gift for lovely drawings really inspire me.

it’s about stories and about the craft of comics-making.

i can’t shake the snobbery–for all my desire to be more tolerant, politically correct, likeable, etc–that if a comic artist doesn’t love both stories and comics-craft, he will eventually stop wasting his time with comics.

and while i mumble this to myself about another artist i look down on, he’d be better off for quitting!  making comics is hard as hell.  it wears fools down.  i see it every time i get with my bros to draw or even when i take a break from my own shit.  it’s hard, long, brain-melting, self-hating work to do the problem-solving it takes to put together a tasty-looking page that does its job.  and it doesn’t pay anything!  other artists, get yourselves PAID.  make some REAL money.  comics is for us snobs, for us holier-than-thou dipshits who’d rather be right about why your pages have weak-ass blacks and aren’t paced elegantly than have a fucking dollar.  it’s for us comics know-it-alls who scoff at your computer lettering, your clumsy inking and your thinly written characters–while we’re penniless and unknown.

yeah, the laugh’s on me.  when these other artists design a website or a rock flyer or a shoe box or go work on an animation team or at a real job, they’re gonna make money i can’t even dream about.  i’ll tell all my friends i’ve won and i’m better–my friends can vouch for that, no joke–but i’m just a worn-down, loveless ass and i hate myself.

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